success

Today, those feelings returned.   Feelings of being unsuccessful.  Not finding my passion, my vocation.  I remember my high school counselor asking me what I wanted to be, what were my hobbies.   I haven't as a child had any profession in mind.  I just wanted to work hard.  For success, that is not enough.

Every job I've had, working hard was not enough to succeed.

Nina, in writing her thesis, had to make up my job title to romanticize her story about 4  successful sisters.Nina, I was only a purchasing assistant and not a purchasing agent.  I have never had job that required my education.

Again, going on 55, I feel my life is uneventful, with nothing of myself in this world.  No hobbies and no career.   No fun...no friends...no one to talk to. 

My sisters all bought their houses and were perplexed about my apartment.  Didn't they get it...I couldn't afford a house, dinners .....and I still cannot afford a house.  
Which leads to a life of work and no money to save for fun.  Yes, Nina and Theresa have paid for the family trips and dinners.  Talk about swallowing your pride!   That is alot of humble pie. 

The trip to see my Mom may be a fantasy.  Bill was right about me.